Letters Home: November 2002

Hi mum, all, everyone… 
I imagine you are, dear reader, sitting in your chair, propped at your computer, ready for an entertaining page  filled with renovation wonders, amusing tales of finds we unearthed, and gushing statements how how great our work is progressing.

Should that be the case , hit the close button. Now.

Still here? This is an interlude, of sorts,  rather than an update. Just in case you  think we are slacking off you see.   It’s gripe time. last we spoke, I let you know about Ross’s rewiring the home (which *is* gushworthy), and a promise of me enjoying a nice  hot shower with my new gas hot water system in place, and crystal clear water just racing down those pipes to get to my skin. Hmmm. I still have no gas. I still have no pipes. I still have no connected hot water system.What I do have, however, is half connected copper and plastic piping, snaking in and out of the floor and walls at the most interesting angles.

Nary an end is connected to any type of H20. I also have a new, shiny hot water system sitting on it’s own wee cedar pad in the corner. It’s bare copper connections smirk at me every time I walk around the corner of the house to manually connect the old hose to the galvanised tap that I use to fill the pet bowl or water the plants. (One day I will kick it and look accusingly at the dog). I also have a pyramid of besa blocks holding up 2 x 9kilogram barbeque gas bottles. I have a wonderful leaky showerhead.

And a mess.

All these together give me a shower, on a good day, and if I am lucky, and the wind is blowing in the right direction…   You see, when the pipe work was being connected, something possessed the HMOTH (handy man of the house) to fiddle with the shower base. “It leaks” he pronounced. “Right into the sand in the crawl space”. It does ? Since when?? “There is a puddle – wet residue?” ask I. “No…” “But you are sure it leaks?”  Yes, it does leak… now…” Indeed. I would leak too if I was hit with sledgehammer to check if I was solid.  So, it is silicone and fibreglass we need, so we can stop the leak until such time that we are ready to renovate the bathroom.The very next day, right on cue, the toilet begins to gurgle. “oh, says the HMOTH,  that will be air coming in from where the shower is leaking, thus creating a vacuum”  I hear him doing his very best Julius Sumner Miller voice, looking at me like I should *know* that.  I resist the temptation of saying “why is it so”… 

An interesting thing to note, dear reader, is that apparently, air locks can also completely block toilets when it comes to palm tree roots. Or so it appears….  So the gas hot water needs the pipework finished in order to have the water pressure to keep it happy, so to speak. The water pressure will be supplied via the pipework that is dangling out of the house, spider legs everywhere, waiting for the leak to be fixed. The silicone and fibreglass is in the shed, somewhere… The toilet is backed up, and HMOTH is currently  outside with an electric snake,  doing gawd knows what to gawd knows what,  making sure he stays far enough away from me so I cannot snort anything that sounds like “air lock – hah!”  (I told him he needs Rootex, he looked at me like I was being rude).

Mercy, the things that come out of blocked sewage!!!!! GROSS.

So, the last few weeks have been spent playing chase the water. At this stage, a motel is looking good. Tell me again will you  – location, location, location….

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